Back in May I wrote a blog post about showing commitment in relationships without getting married. It’s by far my most read post interestingly.
Well funny enough, not long after I published that, I decided to propose to my partner of 5 ½ years.
I reached a point in our relationship and my own personal growth where I could envision getting married. Turns out, a part of me still had a dream of doing the whole white dress adventure.
Mostly though, I feel like our love deserves to be celebrated, and that’s what our wedding is about.
How we approached the decision to get married
Marriage was something my partner and I talked about for a long time with no pressure or expectation that we’d follow through with it.
Being able to explore the idea of marriage together long before we officially got engaged, was such a great approach for us.
We were able to mentally prepare and calmly work through any feelings, resistances and concerns.
The full transparency also meant that I could tell when my partner was ready to be proposed to.
He was bringing up the topic of marriage of his own accord - in an excited, proud way too. I took that as a sign that he was mentally ready and wouldn’t feel ambushed if I proposed (which I’d always said I would be the one to do haha).
So, on the 31st of July while we were up on the Sunshine Coast, I took him for a stroll along the beach and went down on one knee!
He was still surprised but not totally shocked, and thankfully, he said yes :)
But you said…
So what about everything I said about showing commitment without marriage? Well I still stand by everything I said.
Many more people are choosing not to get married or simply waiting longer. Either way, I don’t think marriage needs to be the measure of commitment.
My fiancée (still feels weird to say) and I have been showing our commitment to each other every day, long before getting engaged.
- We show up for each other, prioritise quality time and adventure together.
- We make plans for the future.
- We communicate about our needs and desires and what we can do to help get those needs met.
We’re still happily non-monogamous with other significant people in our lives. That hasn’t changed.
I actually attended a metamour’s wedding earlier in the year, even got to do her makeup, and it was a fabulous experience!
Turns out marriage doesn’t have to change our relationships with friends and other significant people in our lives.
What I’ve learnt is that it comes down to nurturing your connection, transparent vulnerable communication and fostering relationship growth.
Share your story
What made you choose to get married or intentionally not get married?
I love hearing your stories, and there are so many people that are eager to hear real life perspectives on marriage (not just Hollywood fantasies or takes from our parents).
So share your story, and tag me in it so I can help celebrate you!
